this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
