Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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