The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
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so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
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Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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