In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize