we have officially lost it.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
