UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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