Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Randomize
