WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As shirtless as possible
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
