im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
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