So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
