I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
