i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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