yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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