if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
