Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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