Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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