There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
