You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
