The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
