brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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