Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
