hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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