I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
People in love make me want to vomit
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
