I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
