i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
