pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
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We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I forget how to act sober
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