I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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