i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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