2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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