i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
