My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
