There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he puts the penis in happiness.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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