I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
