If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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