well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
