Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
