I feel like abortions should bother me more
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
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got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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