so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
