I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.