I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.