I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
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she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter