I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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