I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility