so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.