I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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