We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
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I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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