I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
