We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
