at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
