I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
