If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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