There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
