he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
