just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
