i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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