My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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