gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
