he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
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