why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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