You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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