I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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