Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
