i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
