this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
