so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
