Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
