Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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