I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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