He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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