we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
