Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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