1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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