Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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