I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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