Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
