well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
