my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
