your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
