i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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