Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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