Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
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then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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