Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My vagina just recognized that song.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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