Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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