please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
