ugly people sure do ruin things
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
